How to get divorced

In America they call them Antic Car Widows. They’re not divorced, but you can see them in groups of thirty or more, visiting local real estate agents, or crowding out the local Shopping Malls. What they’re trying to do is empty the family bank account before their husbands do it the next day at the classic car auction.

So to placate her, you’ve installed the latest American style kitchen and sold one of your classics to put down a new floor in the living room, laid with genuine antic tiles. You even put in a new bathroom.

But, unbeknown to you wife, you’ve been stashing some money away on the side, and while she’s buying up the Hermes store, you put your hand up for a Bugatti. Of course, you don’t tell her, but a week later it arrives at the family home, and is put in the space liberated by the car you sold to pay for the antic tiles.

Your wife Googles ‘Bugatti GP car’, and finds out it is worth more than the house. She tells you that if you don’t sell it, she’s moving to her sister’s, and getting a divorce. You spend a sleepless night in the garage, smoking two packs of cigarettes, downing a bottle of cognac, polishing the Bugatti. You start it up at 4am, and the neighbors call the Police. Then you open the French windows push the furniture out of the way, and back the Bugatti into the living room. It looks good with the antic tiles.

Your wife moves to her sister, and files for divorce.